This Is Why I’m “No Fun”

The party pooper’s guide to happiness.

Chris Wojcik

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Photo by Taylor Young on Unsplash

My life isn’t really glamorous or flashy.

There are no models, fancy cars, or yacht parties. I’ve never been to a strip club, swam with sharks, or jumped out of an airplane. Sometimes (like last night, for example), my shoulders will dislocate in my sleep. I’ve never done cocaine or psychedelics, and the one time I smoked pot I started having auditory hallucinations and spent 9 months in a constant state of derealization.

I hold myself back in order to protect myself. I’m limited in my life experience, I get it.

Yet at the same time, I’m incredibly fulfilled for the first time in my life. I have too much to be grateful for. I sometimes feel like a brat for even expressing my negative emotions, but I do that too now, because it’s healthy. The reality is that compared to my mental state of 3 years ago, life is going too well. I’m too fulfilled and invested in my passions each and every day that I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something right.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not constantly bombarded with subtle anxieties, FOMO, and regret when I lock myself away to focus on myself. I mean, I’ve grown up on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. FOMO is in my blood.

Am I missing out on life? Am I “no fun”?

I don’t know how I’d even answer that question, but I’m going to try.

What Is Fun?

The cultural definition of what’s “fun” makes me feel like a freakin’ dork. When all your friends are enjoying parties, city nightlife, snorting things, and hooking up with strangers, I can’t help but feel like I don’t belong. I’ve had too many nights to count where I’m alone with a book and my headphones, wishing I was somewhere else. I guess I’m whining, but staying in has always been my choice. I mean seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?

It’s not that I don’t like parties, it’s just that my neurological threshold for socialization isn’t the same as most people. My brain has been broken, and loud places make me have the worst kind of “out of body experiences”. It’s not that I don’t like going to bars, it’s just that too many times I’ve run out of them crying because I couldn’t stand the noise or I got…

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